Individual Revelation About Purpose And Meaning

Perhaps what I wanted (fame, fortune, and influence) would have blinded me from the world, as God wanted me to see it.  History has shown us that fame, fortune, and influence, leads to blind obsession of more of the same at any cost.  They live life for their own individual desires thrusting anything not serving that interest under the bus.  They cannot fill the their addiction for more and more. 

 In wonder...I have always asked what I am doing here and what is my purpose.  Why were the things I chased no closer than they had been 25 years ago?  Who has not wanted to be rich, famous, and influential?  After two-and-a-half decades of struggle, working hard for long days, and taking many chances, I have just limited wisdom to show for it all.  As I sit here on a rock in a stream, on a beautiful sunny day, these thoughts come to me again.  These very thoughts were the very ones that tortured me and kept me from sleep so many nights. 

 

As I walked up the stream, I crossed many deadfalls, avoided loose sands, and took many twists and turns in its path.  As I sit here and look upstream, I see many of the same obstacles yet to overcome.  I have always believed hard work, strong character, and honesty and integrity naturally led to success like money, fame, and influence.  I continued trying to define my purpose, much like the water followed its course through its numerous obstacles on its way to the larger river below.

Trees that once stood tall and proud along the banks, lie dead and decaying, some even impeding the flow of water to its destination.  Even in its death, it is working to slow the water, grow moss, and be a home to bugs and other plants.  In the end, it returns to the earth from which it began as a seed from a former tree.  Once dead and decomposed, the once vibrant tree now becomes part of the soil that will bring forth new life.  This new life will carry the nutrients the composed tree provided and regain life again in its new host.  Life is not lost but returned in glorious form.

Rocks that seemingly do nothing hold sediment from loosening and clouding the water.  Erosion is hindered by their presence.  They too share a silent glory.

The water is a constant reminder that life is always in motion, even as many things seem to sit still.  Our lives are always changing too, even as we dream or remain at rest.  Our thoughts and opinions are forming based on what we allow ourselves to see and hear.  The laws of nature preceded the laws of man, and were the foundation upon which man's laws were formed.

Perhaps what I wanted (fame, fortune, and influence) would have blinded me from the world, as God wanted me to see it.  History has shown us that fame, fortune, and influence, leads to blind obsession of more of the same at any cost.  They live life for their own individual desires thrusting anything not serving that interest under the bus.  They cannot fill the their addiction for more and more.  You see it in our presidents, representatives, judges, commissioners, CEO's, bosses, etc.  Once the fire of individual wants is lit, it is nearly impossible to extinguish.

As I write this, I see a leaf clinging to the face of a rock below, under the rushing water.  Once I lift it and release it, it flows downstream.  Was I destined to let it go from the rock or was it mere randomness.

Ultimately, I realize that I did not have a clue what I had been chasing all of these years.  Fame, fortune, and influence would have conflicted with the person I was inside.  I could not be rich, ignore the poor, even though I could not be poor, and expect the rich to feed me.  I could not be famous and lose what is important to me - silence, nature, God, good family, and friends.  I could not be influential and rest knowing that I could always do more.

 After all this time of torture, wonder, and questioning my life, I have finally come to understand that what I want is "internal peace."  I want to lay down in peace each night knowing that I have done my best to do the right things the best I could.

I believe every man and woman want the very same thing.  That does not mean that they would not handle fame, fortune, and influence with decency, it just means they would be at peace with it.  Sitting here in the woods with no sound of man but just the stream flowing has cleared my mind.  God's light shines down on me as I write, warming me and guiding my hand.  Today, if even for a moment, I am enjoying a period of peace.